Britney Spears opened up about her experience under her conservatorship and her reluctance to sit for a formal interview in a groundbreaking, since-deleted audio file. In the audio clip, she also alluded to a secret relationship, eventually being freed from her conservatorship and her new collaboration with Elton John.

The hit-maker uploaded the 22-minute clip to YouTube Sunday (Aug. 28) just prior to the 2022 MTV Video Music Awards. She shared the otherwise unlisted video in a since-deleted tweet. In it, she explained she felt the need to speak her truth. However, she said that she wasn't interested in doing so in a televised interview with the likes of Oprah Winfrey.

"To go on a platform and share hardships or just anything that’s going on in my mind, and I really don’t think any of that is relevant. Getting paid to tell your story, I feel like it’s kind of silly," Britney said.

She added she's finally in a place where she feels comfortable to share more after not speaking out due to fears about the public's response.

Britney also reflected on the start of the conservatorship, saying, "Honestly still to this day [I] don't know what really I did."

Britney alleged:

"I literally spoke in a British accent to a doctor to prescribe my medication and three days later there was a SWAT team in my home, three helicopters. I remember my mom's best friend and my two girlfriends... We had a sleepover the night before. They held me down on a gurney and again none of it made sense. Literally the extent of my madness was playing chase with paparazzi, which is still to this day one of the most fun things I ever did about being famous."

According to her recollection, right before the conservatorship was put into place, Britney's mom Lynne Spears alerted her that people were coming to the house to speak to her:

"Then four hours later there were over 200 paparazzi outside my house videotaping me through a window of an ambulance holding me down to a gurney. I know it was all premeditated and a woman introduced the idea to my dad, and my mom actually helped him follow through and made it all happen.

 

It was all basically set up There was no drugs in my system; no alcohol. Nothing. It was pure abuse."

Britney also recounted her experience with her dad Jamie Spears. "I think the main thing I do remember when I started was my dad's control. He loved to control every thing I did. I remember the first day he said, 'I'm Britney Spears, and I'm calling the shots,'" Britney shared.

The "Toxic" pop star reflected on going back to work "after the two weeks of being hospitalized and completely traumatized out of my mind." She returned with a guest spot on How I Met Your Mother and went on to release her album Circus in 2008.

"All I do remember is I had to do what I was told," Britney said. "I was told I was fat every day. I had to go to the gym. I never remember feeling so demoralized. They made me feel like nothing. I went along with it because I was scared. I was scared and fearful."

Britney released several albums and embarked on multiple tours during the conservatorship. She also launched a successful Las Vegas residency, during which she claims she was overworked:

"I do remember working, and I got to a point where... You know, because of my pride in my 30s, I have to live under my father's rules, and you know the dancers are playing and drinking and having fun at night in Vegas, and I couldn't do anything. I know I was horrible. Like I even wore wigs and all of the dancers were doing all these nice sexy head flip turns, and I had conditioner treatment in my hair and these little caps over my head and just during a whole show getting conditioner treatments with wigs on because I was just like a robot, honestly."

The release of her album Glory in 2016 helped re-inspire the star. "I got the fire back in my eyes for some reason," she said. The album sparked her confidence. However, Britney said it also made the people around her nervous.

"I think with confidence people kind of [were] like, 'Oh wait, wait, wait. What's going on now? She's speaking up a little bit more, but it might not be particularly a good thing...'" she said.

Britney also speculated that people were concerned about who would be in control if she regained her confidence.

After Vegas, Britney went on tour, which she said she "was forced to do." She also had another Vegas show in the works. She alleged she was "sent to a facility" after questioning one of the dance moves she was presented for the new show:

"I was supposed to say on my Instagram the reason why is because my dad is sick, and I need treatment. Which was... I didn't want to ever go there. I remember my dad calling me on the phone, and I was crying. I remember his last words were, 'You don't have to go, but if you don't go we're going to go to court and there will be a big trial and you're going to lose. I have way more people on my side than you. You don't even have a lawyer so they don't even think about it.'"

Britney previously recounted her experience in treatment during her 2021 testimony in court. She alleged that her family was on vacation in her beach house during it.

She also shared that the Free Britney moment helped end her mandatory treatments.

"He had to let me go because the Free Britney campaign came out with all the pink t-shirts. I saw it on a lot of the morning shows and people by word of mouth. And I think just by my fans knowing my heart that something was up," Britney explained.

She claimed that her mom and sister Jamie Lynn Spears did not publicly voice support and speculated as to why:

"To me it was like they secretly honestly liked me being the bad one. Like I was messed up and they just kind of liked it that way. Otherwise why weren't they outside my doorstep saying, 'Baby girl, get in the car, let's go.' I think that' the main thing that hurt me. I couldn't process how my family went along with it for so long."

Britney added she was most mad at her mom, who she felt could have helped her more. "I feel like she could have gotten me a lawyer in literally two seconds. My friend helped me get one in the end, but every time I made contact with a firm my phone was tapped, and they would take my phone away from me," she alleged.

Britney added she felt that her family "literally killed me" through their betrayal:

“They threw me away. I felt like my family threw me away. I was performing for thousands of people at night in Vegas. The rush of being a performer. The laughter, the joy, the respect. I was shaking over 40 peoples hands every night before a show. I was a machine. I was a f---ing machine. Not even human almost. It was insane how hard I worked."

Regarding her conservatorship, Britney said she felt they were hoping she would capitulate to their demands:

"They put me in an ignorant scared state of mind to make me feel like I needed them. And if you don’t do what we say we’re going to show you who’s boss. I got on my knees every day, and I prayed. I held on like a needle in thread to some sort of existence because they made me feel like nothing for so long. I knew in the deepest, deepest part of my core. I knew I’d done nothing wrong, and I didn’t deserve the way I’d been treated. I do think the hardest thing for me was I wanted to use me feet and leave and run or go somewhere. I had to be placed in a chair from 8 to 6 every day. I couldn’t take it."

The pop star also alluded to a secret relationship and plans she had at one point to run away with her partner. However, she also admitted to being afraid of doing anything like that.

“My biggest fear was what would my dad do if I did do something wrong. What if I left the country? What if they found me and what would they do," she reflected about a conversation she had with an assistant. "I said, ‘I feel like they would lock me up or something or really hurt me.’ She looked at me and said, ‘Are you kidding me Britney? Your dad would never do that to you.'"

Instead of doing an interview, Britney said she wanted to address her family directly. She explained:

“I don’t want any of it. For me it’s beyond a sit-down proper interview. I have no contact in that place for so long, and my heart would just want to stand up in my family’s faces and scream and cry and throw a tantrum and go back in time and do exactly what I wanted to do at those times. Yeah, and might even spit in their f---ing faces.

 

Why? Because the pain my family gave me, sitting me there all day and not being allowed to use my feet, as they watched their grandchildren run base to base in a family neighborhood as if I’m dead or I don’t exist honestly makes me look up and say, ‘How the f--k did they get away with it?’ How is there a god? Is there a god?"

Britney closed with an explanation about why she is finally opening up now.

“I’m sharing this because I want people to know I’m only human," she shared. "I do feel victimized after these experiences and how can I mend this if I don’t talk about it? I have an amazing song right now with one of the most brilliant men of our time, and I’m so grateful. But if you’re a weird introvert oddball like me who feels alone a lot of the time and you needed to hear a story like this today so you don’t feel alone, know this: My life has been far from easy, and you’re not alone.”

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